Many couples believe that when it comes to
good sex, if you can’t beat them surely you can
join them. They fake everything about sex from
the beginning to the end. After many rounds of
faking, sex becomes predictable and discarded.
Some couples fight to regain the spark back and
make blue films their guiding light but yet after a
while they wonder; no explosions of passion. No
breathy proclamations of desire, no tumultuous
How can everyone in movies be having fiery,
combustible sex when we barely create a spark?
Relax. Do you know that TV shows and movies
give us this much lopsided representation of
what sex is supposed to be like. Everyone
seems to be climaxing and having orgasms all
the time from whatever they’re doing. They make
you believe something is wrong with you or your
spouse. Sex in the real world isn’t always
perfect, and it doesn’t have to always end with
an earth-shattering climax. Real-life sex can
almost never measure up to the passion
portrayed on the screen. Because films don’t talk
about the fact that it’s likely that in an odd
position, the acting couples pass gas or the love
of their life has bad breath while they kiss. Or the
shape and weight of their spouse is a big
Even when everything else in the relationship is
working, sexual styles aren’t always compatible.
You like long foreplay sessions. Your spouse
may be ready to go in an instant. You long for
wet, sensual kisses. He prefers dry, chaste
pecks. Sex is not just naturally perfect most
The mistake many couples make is expecting the
energy, sexual excitement, eagerness and the
passion of their sex life when their relationship
was still new to continue for ever. But as time
goes on they forget that it is better to learn how
to dance together and bump noses or knees
instead of faking passion and orgasm.
Long-term couples can easily tell their spouses
what dress or shirt they like them to wear, or
what they like for dinner, but they tend to get
tongue-tied when it comes to the topic of sex
and rather result to faking than enjoyment.
They’re afraid of hurting their partners’ feelings,
so they don’t tell them what they like or don’t
like. But you’re not going to get it unless you
ask for it.
So how do I tell my partner what I want without
bruising his or her ego? I think it’s really in how
you bring up the statement; you can have the
conversation whenever and wherever it’s most
comfortable for you. But before you talk, you
need to know exactly what it is about your sex
life that bothers you. Is it a question of
technique? personal hygiene? timing? Once you
know what isn’t working for you there are things
you can suggest that can ease those
circumstances ‘I would love it if we…’ or, ‘could
we try this?’ if something about your partner’s
smell is turning you off, suggest taking a bath
together before making love. If you crave more
foreplay, ask for slower drive into sex.
After you’ve tried talking and the sex still isn’t
working, experiment together; learn to get to
know each other’s bodies. Try some sex aids.
Read books with pictures (such as Sexual
Intimacy in Marriage by Funmi Akingbade), or
watch an educational video together not porn,
but explicit videos in which a voice-over explains
what’s happening in the scenes. Sometimes, the
problem is a physical one, such as premature


Or it may be that the stress from
your job is bleeding over into the bedroom and
disrupting your sex life. In those cases it can
help to see a sex therapist. If you’re faking sex,
you’re doing yourselves a disservice because you
do not understand what really turns you both on.
If you’re still unsatisfied, you may wonder if it is
ever OK to fake it in bed. Faking sex will
eventually take a toll on the relationship and
your spouse is going to realise that you’re
disconnected. And when the other party notices
a disconnection, many things happen to the
relationship. Either one party takes to becoming
addicted to cyber-sex, or solo sex or outright
exchange of sex partner and infidelity. Can fake
sex ever be bad enough to consider ending a
relationship over? Possibly. Every couple has the
potential to have good sex if you’re willing to put
a little effort into it. Good sex doesn’t
necessarily have to be about an orgasm. It can
just be an emotionally fulfilling experience
between spouses.

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